Dec 08
10
Always Be One Step Ahead of Your Child
I have found that parenting ideas swing back and forth just like a pendulum. Our parents raised us with a firm hand, and the idea that children where meant to be seen – not heard. Today’s generation has swung to the polar opposite with Time Outs and Compromising. Somewhere in between these to extremes lies a happy child.
Believe me, in 14 years of working with families, I have seen both extremes.
I watched a parent drop off their child for one of our school events called Movie Night. This is when we rent a movie and watch it with all of the children while the parents get to go out for dinner or some "adult" time. The child insisted the parents do not leave, AND THEY DIDN’T! The parent sat and begged the child to "let them
go to dinner."
On the other end of the scale, a parent carried a whistle in his pocket and when he blew it, the children had 15 seconds to get to him "or else". Needless to say this is a rebellion situation in the making – but we will leave that for another story.
Thinking ahead of your child is not difficult – once you learn the skill and use it regularly. Until the age of 12 years old, children are present minded. Simply put, that means what ever is in front of them, or whatever it is they are doing, is the only thing they are thinking about.
Once you understand this concept, you can use it to your advantage. What I teach parents in my seminars is to walk through an entire conversation before you have it with your child. Think of their probable response and come up with an answer to each, and then think of their possible responses, and come up with answers to
those as well.
Now you have an arsenal of responses at the ready and your child will be thinking on the run. You should not have any trouble guiding them to the conclusion you want. Let’s us Movie Night as our example.
Parents want to go out for an evening and they know Movie Night is next Friday. The mistake is to ask the child if they WANT to go to Movie Night. In this instance, you are flipping a coin. If the child says "yes", then everything is all right. If the child says "no", you know have to debate, discuss or argue your way to get them to go.
In this case, the parents should not care what the child "wants". They know their child has fun at Movie Nights because they talk about it all the time. They know that they need some time together to keep their relationship healthy and strong. They know that my staff and I take great care of the children and serve as role models
so the more time their child spends with us, the better.
I have parents complete this exercise in my seminars all the time, and after a couple of practice runs, it really begins to hit home with them.
Good luck with today’s tip and as always, please leave comments with your questions and/or results. I love to show other parents that they are not "stuck" where they are, but with a little help, can have healthy, happy, and self-confident children.
