Usually when I speak to parents about not being selfish, they begin
to think about how they are going to work with their child.

They are quite surprised when, as the discussion continues, they figure out that I am not teaching them how to help their child
not be selfish, but instead, teaching THEM not to be selfish.

Here is a story about Parent Selfishness. Jessica is one of my
green belts. She is an only child and is used to getting what ever
she wants and is a master of pouting if she does not. One of my
on going tasks has been to help Jessica improve her social skills so
she will be a terrific adult in the years to come.

We were having our pre-test for belts and Jessica had been working
really hard on her requirements to earn her next rank. She passed on several items and did not pass on her physical requirement so she will be moved to the next belt testing.

During class, all I heard from Jessica was "This class is so much fun." She was excited and happy to be there. When it came time to
perform her kata in front of the entire class, she completed it
and was awarded her stripe. She was on top of the world.

Mom asks after class if Jessica will be promoting and I point out
that while she earned her stripe today, that she did not complete
her physical fitness test so I will be moving her to the next testing.

Mom starts to cry and begs that I pass Jessica because "she has
worked so hard." I remind mom that her daughter has been
successful in her testing – she earned her stripe today and she had
fun in class. Mom was equating success with earning a belt.

So to completely destroy the accomplishment, mom tells Jessica that
all of her hard work was for nothing because she was not going to
promote in rank.

So since mom tied accomplishment to earning a belt, and mom was
unhappy that Jessica was not going to be promoted, MOM
decided it was important to let Jessica know that she failed.

Be careful when you place YOUR expectations on your child. The lesson learned by your child may not be the one you intended to teach them.

Learn from this example and evaluate how you react to things that
happen to your child.

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Posted in Parenting Tips by Denny Strecker No Comments Yet